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Showing posts from September, 2015

The Unpostable Post.

Body criticism. It's everywhere, and I'm the worst on myself, but the world is pretty bad too.

Full disclosure: I'm 5'7", this morning I weighed 170.2 lbs.  I have about 35% body fat. My closet contains clothes between size 10 and 14. My shoe size is 8.5 and my measurements are 40-30-38.  In the last year, I have weighed as little as 160 and as much as 172.  In my adult life, the range was 148 (as a college athlete) to 211 (at 41 weeks pregnant with my fourth child).  I would have to lose 11 lbs to have a bmi of "normal weight".

I have guttate psoriasis sporadically and a fused 4th toe on my left foot.  I have a moderate amount of gray hair and a less-than-average amount of wrinkles and sun damage (thank you, graduate school).

I'm active, but I don't "work out".  I find it tedious. I'd rather walk, read a book, have a dance party or make love.

This is the story of a woman's body. One woman's body, all women's bodies.

We are …

Calling.

Sometimes we get called to the work we need to do, and not the work we want.

The thing that keeps me awake is that sometimes I forget to be confident that I have all the resources available to do the work.

I'm in the middle of a divorce that is painful and necessary all at once - from a good man who lives in a way I cannot anymore - with four little children, a full time job, and now, an older father to care for, who is, mercifully, moving closer to where I am.

It's a lot.

People say, "Wow. You have a lot on your plate."  My response, "Yes, but I have a lot on my plate."

Some days, I get to the stopping point and I say to myself (and the work, and the world)....enough.

I've done enough for today.  And I have to sit, and rest, and let the discipline of not-doing, of allowing myself to rest, be a living practice that I have enough, that I don't have to constantly work to keep all the plates spinning, to make sure I've done enough to earn my keep.

In m…