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Showing posts from August, 2016


Some friends came by tonight - two men that I have loved as my own family for almost 20 years. One of them has received a diagnosis of a type of cognitive decline, one that leads to dementia in many cases, within 5-8 years. We sat and talked calmly but sadly about the details of the diagnosis, one I hadn't understood before, and in many ways, refused to see. We talked about his wishes not to live with dementia, and their plans for his decline.

I'm very, very sad.
It is August, in my life too. 
I am 45. In three years, I have lost both my parents and initiated a divorce from a good man who, in many ways, I still love deeply. Not in many ways, just love deeply. Full stop. Couldn't keep up with him or tolerate the risk he could, and couldn't keep chasing a goal when I wasn't sure how much time we had left. But love, yes, still.  
My hair has streaks of gray, my body is getting wrinkles and paunches and refusing to be pushed in the ways I used to push it. I have felt the f…