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Showing posts from March, 2020

It is safe to say that you are Settling in Your Relationship? That is the Question

In our lives we meet a wide range of individuals yet not all are good with us thus this is the reason it is so elusive an accomplice throughout everyday life. You can adore a wide range of individuals, yet that is not quite the same as what makes an incredible accomplice. At the point when you genuinely love someone so much that you're willing to work to be a superior individual and that other individual is eager to do likewise for you, that is the point at which you have enchantment in a container.

The inquiry is would you say you are settling? Do you have all the fixings expected to make your relationship work, are you in-adoration, do they rouse you to be better at everything - a superior individual, a superior mother or father, a superior sister or sibling, child or little girl, do they regard you, do they tune in, are you explicitly fulfilled. Let's be honest, a relationship and additionally marriage can be extremely long and you must like the individual as mush as you lo…

The Questions and Answers of Living With Multiple Sclerosis

Living with numerous sclerosis or any continuously ceaseless sickness is a multidimensional undertaking. Life can be muddled and troublesome enough when you are sound. On the off chance that you are one of the 400 million individuals to be determined to have MS, at that point there are such a significant number of issues and questions that you will most likely need to manage in your everyday life.

Numerous sclerosis isn't a capital punishment, however when you don't have the foggiest idea about the primary thing about what it implies or what can befall you, a determination can be extremely terrifying. When you get over the underlying stun of having MS, you can in the long run continue ahead with the matter of living. The inquiries underneath are intended to give you a few things to consider. It is in no way, shape or form the main arrangement of inquiries you will have, yet it is a spot to begin.

Above all else there are the potential manifestations related with MS - exhaustio…

Living the Question

Frequently, there are unanswered inquiries which make us insane. We accept that for each question, there must exist an answer. On the off chance that the appropriate response doesn't present itself, it must be an instance of looking harder for the appropriate response. On the off chance that we can't discover the appropriate response, we figure we ought to counsel with specialists for the appropriate response. Actually, we like to counsel with numerous specialists, henceforth the subsequent supposition.

How regularly have we gone to the specialist searching for a response to some puzzling affliction, just to have the specialist state that the person didn't have a clue why our body did what it did. As a rule, we respond in dissatisfaction or we lose trust in our primary care physician, our master. On the off chance that the person in question doesn't have the appropriate response, at that point they should be inadequate in information, ability or mastery. Along these li…

Mignardise.

After my engagement was broken off, my brilliant therapist led me to a conclusion that was hard to accept, but necessary:

"I know I have to consider just dating, and not taking it all so seriously."

He said, "I support that."

So I did.

I've been out online since late last summer and I've seen a lot of people, talked to a lot more, and have begun to figure out what works for me and what doesn't. I talked to EVERYONE, just to hear the stories. Sex workers, married guys, older ones, younger ones, blue collar, polyamorous, all of the varieties of -sexual (most of which are indistinguishable to me). I describe myself as a "casual dater" although apparently that has an acronym now: ENP-NPP which stands for "ethically non-monogamous, no primary partner." It's what we used to just call casual dating - everyone is seeing other people until you decide together that you aren't.

I was proceeding easily down this road and all was going perfect…

The Ides of March.

This period of enforced slowdown has given me a lot of time to breathe and think. My mom has been gone for seven years today. I miss her sharply, but I think more about her life than I do about her death, and I remember more of the the sweet things and not so many of the bitter ones.

I was meant to be remarried last night, to a man who is good and kind and was not ready. Truth be told, I wasn't ready either. But the narrative of 'never alone' is so strong that I jumped before I looked. As strong as I am, I still was waiting for the white knight to absolve me of the need to do it all, to be on point, to manage all of this alone.

In the Monday morning quarterbacking, I saw how I have resented my own strength for a long time. I've resented the competence and foresight, the little flame that got me up and out of my family and led me down the road to wholeness instead of staying in place and letting the world crash around me.

I decided to stop resenting my competence and inste…

Living the Questions.

For the last several years I've been in a process of letting go of things in my life that no longer served me. Like cleaning out the house for Hell's Garage Sale. Shit I don't need, nor does anyone else.
It was terribly frightening and liberating all at once. 
It was frightening because when I let go of patterns, thoughts and people I held on to for a long time (and ignored the ways they caused me harm), I suddenly realized that I had a whole lot of perceived empty to get used to. 
It's why I held on to them in the first place, and tolerated the harm, because the devil I knew (hurt, loss, helplessness, resignation, betrayal, damage) was preferable, I thought, to the one I didn't (perceived emptiness, censure, judgement).
It's liberating, because I didn't have to be in pain anymore, and the emptiness began to have a broad, cool spaciousness that can be very wonderful.
Can be.
It can also be terrifying.  Sometimes I sit in the silence and I wonder, 
"Is that sp…

From Grief to Gratitude

We live in a world so averse to suffering that avoiding feeling is practically a vocation. But when I avoided the darkness, I realized I had to seek out ways to experience it that I could control. Emotion phobia is a thing. But the need to feel is real.

The brilliant Miriam Greenspan comments:

"We fear our emotions and devalue them. This fear has its roots in the ancient duality of reason versus emotion. Reason and the mind are associated with masculinity and are considered trustworthy, whereas emotion and the body are associated with the feminine and are seen as untrustworthy, dangerous, and destructive...But despite our fear, there is something in us that wants to feel all these emotional energies, because they are the juice of life. When we suppress and diminish our emotions, we feel deprived. So we watch horror movies or so-called reality shows like Fear Factor. We seek out emotional intensity vicariously, because when we are emotionally numb, we need a great deal of stimulatio…

It’s been a minute.

I’ve been busy building a life and while I’ve had tons of ideas, no time to write. 
I met someone, got engaged, planned a wedding and called it off. (ProTip™️ add that one to your reverse bucket list, AKA “shit you’d never want to do.”)
My business is exploding. It grew to the point where it’s harder to keep it small than it is to let it grow. I brought on a team and we’re swinging for the fences.
Learning to be a CEO in a tech startup is the suckiest/best job in the world. There are days that I drown in “Founder Flu” - self doubt. And there are other days where I’m grateful for every experience that has brought me to this point and prepared me.